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One of the main reasons that women can’t climax during sex is their mindset. How can you get something done when you keep telling yourself “I can’t” all the time? The blame is not entirely on the woman, though. This “orgasm failure” mindset could also stem from her past experiences and her failed attempts at climax during sex.

For example you meet a woman who confesses that she has never felt orgasm during sex in the past, what is the first thing that comes to mind? You might assume that she’s frigid, she’s sick or her husband is not skilled at sex. One or more of these could be true, but it could also be her negative approach towards the fact the orgasm during sex is possible.

Regular women who don’t have any problems achieving climax during masturbation but fail to climax during sex are not frigid. They may need something more than the usual in-out movements during sex to make them orgasm. It’s partly the man’s responsibility to get her close to orgasm; stimulate her; and make her think of herself as a desirable sex goddess. However, when a woman has reached her sexual trance, it’s up to her to push herself over the brink of orgasm, and a negative mindset will definitely affect this stage of the sex.

Women and their partners should learn how to identify the many factors that get women off during sex. Factors like…

What turns her on in bed

Mental excitement is every bit as important as physical stimulation during sex. Exciting her mentally means making her think about the things that are sexy to her. Some women love watching porn with their boyfriends or husbands because it’s a turn on, while others would rather read an erotic story or two from her romance novels. Some women get turned on when they watch their husbands or boyfriends masturbate. Every woman has a secret fetish or two, and if you know that and can use it to further stimulate her, she will climax faster.

How relaxed she is during sex

Many women don’t bother to have sex or simply “endure” sex because their partners crave it. This notion makes these women tense up during sex, which translates to thinking about other things during penetration, half-hearted attempts at foreplay and focusing on how tired they are already. A man must help her relax, get her in the proper mindset and keep her from thinking of climaxing (or not climaxing).

The man’s sex skills

She might find it funny if a guy attacks her clitoris like a rabid disk jockey would a turntable during a rave party, but this type of technique won’t get her off. Learn how to finger her, how to kiss her, when to nibble and when to lick to provide maximum pleasure. Getting the proper sex skills means being aware of a woman’s hot buttons, and how exactly you can touch and lick these buttons for her to get closer to orgasm.

Women have many ideas on what a good lover is, but these notions all boil down to one single fact: a good lover must be able to make a woman climax each and every single time they make love. Many men have mastered the act of seduction, and are not able to lure any woman inside their bedrooms with promises of sexual fulfillment. However, most men fail to deliver. Either they cannot make their girlfriends climax or they cannot get it up long enough for her to actually enjoy sex. It’s a fact that men fumble during sex, which is a shame because the women they seduced expect only the best from them (especially since that’s the vibe she got during the actual seduction process).

Will a woman cheat on a man who is not a good lover? It depends. Most women stick around even after finding out that their men are not good in bed because of emotional and psychological reasons. If you’re not a good lover, she might not cheat on you, but she’ll probably lose any respect she has for you (sexually) as a man… Remember that while you were seducing her, teasing her and flirting with her, you were giving her the vibe that she will enjoy having sex with you. Not doing so at the “point of sale” so to speak will make her think twice about sex with you again.

Some of the myths that keep men from being the sex masters that they want to be include penis size and physical appearance. If you have ever felt like you don’t have everything you need to make her squirm in pleasure and fantasize about you for a long time after the sex, then these tips are for you.

1. Penis size – I can say this with conviction… size does NOT matter. My advice to men who have created this problem inside their minds is this: your penis is the tool that you use to give pleasure; if you are able to give her pleasure by using it, regardless of the size, then it is effective.
2. She has her own sexual ideas and fantasies – Your goal is to find out through her body language and by asking her directly what she likes. There are women who are too shy to talk about their fantasies in detail so your job is to tune in to what she really wants by taking note of how she reacts to things you do. You can also take note of how she caresses you. Does it seem like she’s pushing your head down? Does it feel like she’s pressing your hand on one particular body part?
3. Continue seducing her, caressing and flirting with her even after the initial foreplay. – Foreplay has always been regarded as the intimacy time, when couples kiss and excite each other. The biggest problem with this notion is that foreplay is no longer done when she’s wet, and he’s hard and all they have to do is get on with the sex. There are many sex positions that allow couples to still kiss and fondle even while performing intercourse.

Have you ever been asked to do something that you can do on a normal basis only to find out that you can’t do it? You aren’t alone. Most people buckle from pressure and not because they aren’t capable of getting the job done. Pressure is counterproductive, particularly in sex. Maybe you’ve heard a few hundred stories about performance anxiety and the failures in sex that people have experienced because of the pressure to climax.

Women are commonly affected by this kind of pressure, which could be due to the things she’s thinking of or influenced by her partner (through the things he’s saying). The pressure to climax affects sexual performance, and in more ways than one.

1. He’s been at it for a long time and the woman could sense that her partner is getting tired, getting frustrated and losing focus. She tells him to rest for a while, but he doesn’t want to rest until she has had her climax. She thinks so hard of climaxing but she never gets there because of the pressure. A woman’s mindset during sex should be something like this, “this feels so good that I feel like bursting”, and not “I must climax. I have to climax.” Do you see the difference?

1. He told her in the past that he is good in bed and when they finally got it on, he came right at her with a passion that she likes. The only problem is his over-confidence in bed. She appreciates his efforts and loves the way he makes her feel, but the things he’s been doing aren’t enough to get her to climax. She would have told him exactly how she likes it but she’s afraid he will take it as criticism of the way he does things. She starts thinking “I must climax because it feels great. I have to climax to please him”, and she never does.

In both instances, the woman feels pressured to achieve orgasm. In some areas of life perhaps, this kind of pressure is good (like when you are pressured to get good grades or finish the job at hand and you thrive under that kind of pressure), but in sex, being pressured to climax blots out all the sensations that you should be feeling. Concentrating on the fact that you “have to” or “you must” means not paying attention to the sexual stimuli inside your brain, your fantasies that are supposed to fuel your pleasure. Moreover, your mind focuses on one single thing, when it must be relaxed enough to accept stimulation from verbal communication during sex and non-verbal signals that he is giving.

An orgasm is the sum total of stimulation from many sources, your own brain, his actions, his gratification from giving you pleasure, your gratification from giving him pleasure and the stimulation from the hot buttons he is pushing. Being coerced to climax “on cue” may be the main reason why you cannot get there.

The key to that mind-boggling climax you have always wanted is not letting the pressure get to you. This is the reason why more women can achieve orgasm alone than during sex with a partner. Women feel no pressure to climax when they masturbate, and this is how it’s supposed to be even during sex.

Those who have been in a long term relationship for a long time will see their sex lives differently compared to those who are just starting out. Your relationship might have started sizzling and fantabulous, with sparks flying everywhere, but after years of seeing each other on a daily basis, doing chores and watching each other cope with the rigors of day to day, romance gets eroded if not protected and replenished every so often.

The question is, how will you find the time to romance each other enough to keep the flame burning between you? A willing husband or boyfriend can make her fall in love all over again through love making. A wife or a girlfriend can rock his world all over again just by learning how to open up herself to him during love making.

Sex is the best way to rekindle your love affair with someone you can’t afford to lose. For men, you can…

1. Vary your technique a little, and I just don’t mean positions. Be rough with her when you have always taken the gentle route to making her feel great. On the other hand, you can soften your bedroom game if you have always been rough. Your change of love making style will amaze her and show her a side of you that she hasn’t seen in a long time.
2. Celebrate an important event with love making. It could be a birthday, an anniversary, Christmas, Halloween, Easter and other occasions that warrant a celebration of sorts.
3. Get in the mood by doing mental exercises. Increase your mental alertness to what makes her function as a sexual being. Study her psyche and improve the way you respond to the fantasies she might be willing to try. Play mind games with her and tease her every once in a while. Be mysterious, increase sexual tension and improve your sensual intuition. Refine your love making technique according to what you know she likes and don’t be afraid to show your wild side.

Women (wives or girlfriends) may increase sexual interest in themselves and their partners by being sexually open to adventurous sex. Living out her fantasies, the same fantasies that have been fueling her masturbation, with her partner can improve their sex life and their relationship in general.

Cheating happens because the man and the woman have both lost interest in the sex. They crave the novelty of a fresh relationship and they can no longer see that in each other. Sex is just one of the many ways a couple can rekindle their feelings, and this is the most powerful tool you can use to improve your marriage and your relationship.

Deluding yourself by saying love is all that matters won’t patch the gaping hole inside your relationship. The fact that you’re still together means you do love each other, but that the relationship is suffering means the love needs to be stoked again and again for the passion to come back.

One of the biggest mistakes that couples make in their relationship is not spending time to leisurely make love. But then again, the way people define “leisurely” varies. For instance, ten minutes to me could be too long for another person, and one hour could be “just enough time” to another. Can you see how this variation in meaning could affect a happy relationship?

A man likes to spend only 15 minutes on his pleasure, while a woman likes to taker her time. In fact, some women don’t even have a choice in the matter. She needs long marathon sex sessions to get off, and the 15-minute break that‘s perfectly fine for her husband won’t work for her. How do you resolve this dilemma of time management?

1. Men could slow down. That means being more considerate and holding off climax until after she finishes. Experience and popular knowledge tell us that men climax faster than women. Some people even claim that a man can orgasm fast because of the way he has been programmed (sprinting to get off during masturbation, in case someone comes along and catches him).

OR

1. Women could speed up. That is, you must encourage her to get in that mindset she uses when she masturbates on her own. Whether or not she tells you, she has a certain fantasy in her mind when she masturbates, and that’s what’s going to make orgasm fast for her during sex with you.

Compromise is always a key to a dilemma and perhaps a couple will find a middle ground for the time allotment for sex, but it’s not that simple. Soon after sex starts, couples will start having trouble with the issue of “orgasm priority”. The men have it easy, as regular guys who are healthy enough to maintain erections and think dirty thoughts all throughout can climax effortlessly. However, women need a little more stimulation to get there. So do women simply let the men have their pleasure and hope that “when they have more time” they can have their orgasm too?

The answer to that varies from person to person. Some women are perfectly fine with letting the man have orgasm priority, while some others would rather they get off first, no matter how long it takes.

And so we’re back to square one… the issue of time. There need not be a choice between enjoying sex and prioritizing your other responsibilities (cooking breakfast for the kids and preparing for work). The secret to maximizing time during sex is to speed up the process of orgasm in such a way that both partners benefit. Learn exactly how your partner peaks and find shortcuts to make the process more rapid.

You can do this easily by finding out what she thinks about to get off on her own, and what you can do as an equivalent. Discovering her orgasm triggers can be handy when you’re pressed for time (like when you have to get up early the next day for work).

A question to guys: Have you ever started to have sex and realized that she just wasn’t into it? It’s pretty difficult to start making love when your partner is still thinking about grocery bills and the time she has to wake up the next day.

Stimulating someone who’s not in the mood is like doing a self-tickle. It’s amusing how this analogy goes, but it applies. We can’t really make ourselves laugh by poking ourselves because we aren’t mentally ready to be tickled, and because you’re anticipating the action. Sex works the same way. A touch is just a touch until you make the other person acutely aware that you are touching her. The road to getting her ready for penetration starts with a relaxing massage. It’s the best foreplay tool.

Most people rely on champagne to “loosen up”, but there’s really no need for alcohol or other stimulants. You just need a quiet environment to initiate your erotic massage. Control the ambiance by lighting scented candles and playing soft, soothing music. Showing her that you prepared for the massage will make her feel like a princess or a queen. She will know instantly that this is important to you and that you are purposefully taking charge (which is always a turn on). Knead her muscles gently and firmly to get her in the mood for making love. Then, when she’s relaxed enough, start guiding her to sexual bliss.

The Sensual to Sexual Method of Making your Girlfriend Want to Get it On

Don’t be surprised to find her already wet and willing a few minutes into the massage. Touch and relaxation are potent aphrodisiacs. The mere thought of your hands on her turns women on. Pampering her every once in a while will get her addicted to you (and that’s exactly what you want).

An erotic massage makes her feel more feminine and sexy. She goes deeper into the “sex mode” as the massage gets more and more intimate.

Because you want it to be more spontaneous and natural, you can start while she’s in her regular position, like sitting or reclining. Turn a simple hug into a massage initiation step by lingering on her shoulders and kneading the tense muscles there. You can also start by taking her hands and massaging the joints. If she just came home from work, she is bound to be very tired and needs to rest.

Remember the following acronyms:

ABC – Always Be Caressing

No matter what position you start with, always caress in a confident manner. This will make her understand that you know exactly what you’re doing, and that you are intent on seducing her into hitting the sack with you.

ABT – Always Be Teasing

Words are powerful and you can use these to turn her on. Flirt with your partner while you knead her back muscles. Make her feel the seduction through your actions and the things you whisper in her ear.

Sexual tension is a part of sex but does not necessarily lead to sex. It’s not the act of sex, but it can become a part of intercourse. It is simply that feeling of anticipating sex with that person, whether it’s possible or impossible at the moment. Inducing sexual tension or sexual anticipation in a relationship can rekindle a dying romance, and can make sex great for both the man and the woman. It excites the senses, making us more aware of the proximity of the other person.

Do you know that part of a sexy flick when the guy and the girl are thrust in a situation wherein they can have sex if they want, but their issues are keeping them from going at it wildly right there and then? How do you feel as a viewer? Personally, I find myself saying “get on with it already!” and feeling frustrated that they won’t go for it when they can. It also drove me mad with excitement. The principle applies during sex with your partner. In fact, we can find ourselves in this scenario (feeling sexual anticipation) easily, at work with colleagues we are attracted to, or at home with our partners.

One excellent sex technique that everyone must learn is the introduction of sexual tension to the love making process. Here are some ways of doing that to enhance the sensations during sex.

1. Instead of going down on her in a rush, a guy can take his time and leisurely move down; kissing and nibbling along the way. – This is one way of making her think “hurry … go down on me”. Whether she verbalizes it or not, she will be thinking of it.
2. Stop just as you’re about to lick her clitoris. Take her hand and let her touch herself. Then, lick her, with her finger still on her clitoris. When she starts to remove her finger, stop and start over. – This gets her involved, and she will enjoy the varying sensations of your tongue on her finger, and your tongue on her clit.
3. Use one finger to trace all over her body – When she has become accustomed to your hands on her body, she will feel the difference more acutely when you use just your finger.
4. Kiss her and perform foreplay but avoid touching her private parts directly. – Her breasts could be rubbing on your chest. She could be grinding her pelvis on your thighs. Don’t give in to the temptation of fondling her where she wants you to fondle her just yet. Let her mentally visualize what she wants you to do, and do it only when she quits anticipating for a while and gives all of herself to the kissing.

Creating tension during sex is more than just grabbing her everywhere. It also requires a good lover to be sensitive and romantic. Remember that her moans may not always be coherent, and she will not always tell you what she wants. Give her a taste of what she wants without giving too much that she gets used to it even before the penetration starts.

First of all, what is an inside spoon? We all know about spooning, or the spoon sex position, with women taking the inside position all the time. Is it really possible that men also want to be spooned? Could it be that some men just want to be held? Tom from YourTango thinks so: “I enjoy being on the inside of a spoon and I’m a dude.”

I agree with that. There are times when men just don’t feel like hugging, and would prefer to be hugged. A lot of women love it when men ask to be hugged from behind. It tells her you’ve got a “vulnerable” side that she doesn’t see all the time.

During sex, however, being spooned (or held) can present a golden opportunity to teach her how to give you a hand job.

It’s a fact that most women don’t know exactly how their partners masturbate, because of their usual position during sex or foreplay (frontal handling). Now, when she’s behind you and she can reach for your penis on her own, in a position that mimics how you would hold your penis on your own, you can teach her how to give you a hand job properly.

How to teach her how to give you a hand job in 3 simple steps:

1. Her arm (s) will be across your chest or waist. You can nudge her arm down and gently guide her hand to your stiffening penis and just let her play with it initially.

2. Close your hand over hers so you can control the speed of the hand movement and the tightness of the grip.

3. You can go for the full “spoon hug” and ask her to play with your balls using her other hand.

There you have it, some romantic pleasuring while you’re being vulnerable. The key to this is to keep telling her she’s doing good and that you are extremely gratified by the way she’s touching you.